You Have To Take Control Of Your Life

You are a powerful person. No one ever knows what they’re capable of until something happens that forces them to rise to the occasion. And then a natural high starts to wash over their body and they realize that they haven’t been living up to their full potential. They can achieve so much more if they just tap into their inner strength.

It’s easy to go through this life letting bad things happen to us. It’s easy to lie in bed all day, feeling vaguely depressed, picking at the wounds. (You never stop picking scabs. This habit always stays with you.) We’re letting someone come in and twist us violently around their finger. Then we act surprised after the closeness fades and the body turns cold. We get upset. We feel empty. We let someone in to fill us up, only to deplete us later. Who? When? How?

There are so many things in this life that we cannot control. Cancer, assault, someone waking up one day and deciding they don’t love us anymore. We go outside every day knowing that we’re leaving a portion of it up to the fates. “Be kind to me, sweetie!” you say to the sky as you’re leaving your apartment. We complain when our lives become unexpectedly difficult, when curve-balls are thrown and we have to act immediately. What about that? What about avoiding the things we know will hurt us? What about letting ourselves have the nice life we deserve instead of one full of self-inflicted anxiety and pain?

It may seem like a lot of this stuff is not in your control, that you don’t have the power to change it, but you’re often wrong. You do. It would just involve a little bit more work and responsibility, which a lot of people just aren’t ready for. They say they want to change, they say they want to make things better but the reality is that the bad things still feel good to them. They don’t want to stop the bad habits. A lot of their identity is invested in them and they don’t know who they’d be without it.

This is fine, by the way. Shirking responsibility is something everybody does and if you’re not ready to be accountable, you can’t be forced into it. Just know this though: you do have the ability to change the way your life looks. You are strong. You aren’t helpless. The things you’re able to really do with your life would shock you. You just have to access it. You have to bite the bullet and take control of your life.

i'm over it but

maybe it’s been too long. maybe i’ve crossed the border between giving honours to what i’ve had into being pathetically stuck in the past. and i’m sorry if the amount of time i’ve devoted to thinking about what me and her had together has become, in their mind, egregious. i’m sorry if they think that i should be doing other things, enjoying my 20’s, counting my blessings, and seeing other people.

yes, i’ve dwelling in my sadness, because sometimes things end and it’s horrible and there is nothing that can be said which makes it suddenly less painful. even if you’re young. even if there are plenty of other fish in this proverbial sea. i’m living in my sadness not because i’m some 20-ish-years-old (nearly 30's i guess) who wants a reason to feel like the world has wronged me; i’m simply unable to view the world through a spectrum other than i love her, and at a certain point she stopped loving me, maybe. It’s like the car suddenly stopped and i was not wearing my seatbelt, i’m still flying through the air, waiting for the full impact. family arrangement marriage is cruel, indeed.

and i know that you think this makes me weak. you lose a little more respect for me. but you are mistaken if you think that my sadness is in any way an attempt to win her back. i know that she is gone, in a way water is; when it has slipped through between your fingers. i know that she has moved on, and the part of my brain which registers things logically has fully accepted that.

yes, she’s marrying the other guy. yes, that cut through me slowly like a dull knife. i know that in this situation, the maturity of being able to say, “all good things come to an end, and if she has met someone new, it is because they are a better fit for what she needs at this time in her life”. i truly apologize if my ability to handle anything other than being childish all these years long.

the truth is that i’m over it. i’m currently walking through a tunnel whose end i can see; even those walls feel as cold as they are strangely comforting. during my torrid time, at least i know what can be expected. i do wake up with absurdly inflated hopes of finding the love of my life or achieving great things. simply making it through a full day without collapsing in a bedroom. i’m happy to live with for now. and i truly apologize (again) if my friends think that i should be doing better, but i’m not going to pretend that everything is wonderful. i’m sad maybe, i’m broken, too but i’m over it, really over it but the problem is, the impact from flying through the air is not recovered yet. not fully recovered though. but i do believe that time will heal..

#Happy Belated New Year 2013 and Happy 29th Birthday too (sigh)

Why We Should Date A Girl Who Read

We  I Should Date A Girl Who Read (again)

Rosemario Urquico once wrote "You Should Date A Girl Who Read" in response to Charles Warnke article on "You Should Date Illiterate Girl" . (Both article were recommended for you to read). They may be biased over their own preference but everybody has their's. Ain't it? 

Charles Warnke said in his article, " Don't date a girl who read because the girl who read is storyteller". Tell us should do this, don't do that. You should be here, don't be there which can makes our life more miserable and goddamned difficult. She, the girl who read, makes us be like every single character of their favorite books.  Expecting us to magically plot and plan all the prologue, beginning, climax and ending of their  life, basically towards problem or opportunities. Makes our life no variable and always stagnant. Besides, for the worst, the girl who read is a dreamer, dull (need more adrenaline) and becoming too predictable. 

But i somehow agreed with Rosemario Urquico. "Date a girl who read because you deserved it. If you want the world and beyond it, date a girl who read". I'm really date a girl who read once even she's a nerd. Nerd-fighter in my opinion. Rarely give up and always passion enduring difficult situation. Showing that she's worth fighting for us (me personally) and I've already did it. Doesn't makes us a criminal if we plotting every single action, every single chapter in our life. Life is beautifully unpredictable though. If you're not originally a reader, try to read her interest. Try. Try. Just once is enough. Shares your opinion. Hear her's. Talk. Lough. Smile. Hug. Cherish every single moment with her, and if you find a girl who read. Please, don't hurt her heart. Love her. Always. Even-though she's not living with you, doesn't mean that she don't love you anymore. 

#Happiness is a cup of coffee (nescafe sounds better) and a good book, they said..

Get Your Heart Broken Once

Get your heart broken once, or even twice and you're never the same again.
I know that it hurts, I know that it feels like the end of the worlds. 

But we allhave to go through it at some point in our lives. 

You know why? Because it makes you a better, stronger person. 

You're learning so much without even realising it.
You're going to come out of this, I promise. 

You just have to follow the golden rules. 

 

Don't contact them. Stop waiting for them to come back (if they do, cross the bridge only then). Get sociable. Smile. And if they caused you trouble never let them see that it have got to you even because the sweetest revenge for all the shit they'd done to you ; 
show them the happiness of your life.

Wedding I Must Attend

salah seorang kawan baik gua masa zaman undergrade melangsungkan perkahwinan beliau sudah. gua tribute kan entry ini khas untuk beliau. walaupun gua tau dia mana ada masa sangat nak baca. biasa r, org dah kawen mmg busy. betul? baik, kitorang panggil dia Cip walhal nama sebenar beliau adalah Mohd Aliff  bin Mohd Ali. senior bagi nama. kami orang ikut je la. nanti ada yang kene campak dari tingkat 3 bangunan asrama. tak ke haru. 

masa sem 1 dulu, schedule kelas gua sama dengan mamat ni. mungkin ade chemistry kot. jadi kitorang pun selalu pergi kelas sama-sama. gua masih ingat lagi ayat lazim beliau waktu pergi kelas sambil jalan kaki dulu. "culture shock!" "culture shock!". gua difahamkan beliau merupakan lepasan PASUM (Pusat Asasi Sains UM). lifestyle dia kat UM pun sosialis tahap kokang. culture shock jugak katanya. sebab dia dari sekolah menengah agama kerajaan negeri Melaka. kejadah ape sume nak culture shock. bagi elektrik shock baru tau. ceh. gua komplen org je tau. 

gua tau gua dgn mamat ni mmg rapat. cuma yang paling gua tak puas hati kenapa coursemate gua labelkan kitorang abang-adik punya relationship. ciss. diorang ni buta bentuk ke ape. keh3. sampai diorang tertukar panggil lagi. sampai sekarang jugak kot. tapi xpe, gua tak marah. dalam phone pun boleh tertukar suara. hawau betul (ahh kacau, dah kuar dah trademark org melakau). banyak jugak persamaan gua dgn mamat ni. main bola sama-sama. makan roti canai pagi-pagi buta sebelum exam. run bisnes sama-sama. melepak sama-sama. nasib baik preference utk calon aweks tak sama. mungkin beliau tak berminat dgn org yg lagi tua kot. *palmface*

cuma lepas beberapa sem, beliau keluar dari kepompong "low profile club" kami. maybe he's more comfortable living under the spotlight kot. and he's even blooming since then. sampai sekarang kot. ade bisnes sendiri. untung la bini dia. yang gua tak puas hati, apsal kad kawen dia hantar by post?apsal tak hantar by hand? kate non-blood brother relationship. pape pun, gua doakan semoga jodoh mamat ni berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat. gua datang kot wedding lu kat Selandar 17hb ni. cuma gua tgh dok pk nak bagi hadiah ape. pellet ikan? GPS? eh GPS  tak boleh. sebab bisnes baru dia dgn Logesh jual menatang tue. bila nak launching branch kat Skudai Parade? gua nak tumpang potong reben sekali.

| masa ni bisnes beliau dah berkembang maju. tak dan amik gambar Konvo sama-sama |

Theatre of Dreams

tetibe gua rasa nak update entri pasal bola. kipas susah mati United gamaknya. petang tadi masa gua layan Teh Tarik Gelas Besar, gua ternampak entri Nami pasal bola. tak tau pulak beliau dah jadik penyokong Liverpool sekarang. agak sedih la. tapi nak buat macam mana. ye lah, fans Liverpool kan banyak awek cun. kalau tak caya cuba korang tanya Zuhaili. gua start sokong MU ni sejak gua kecik lagi. masa sekolah rendah. masa tue gua teman bapak gua layan game MU vs Liverpool. MU menang 3-1. dua bijik bolos dari corner. keeper Liverpool si David "Calamity" James memang selalu buat fumble dari cross atau sepakan sudut. ala, kalau gua kutuk lebih2 mamat ni pun korang mesti nak ungkit pasal De Gea kan. tak pun mesti nak bahan pasal Massimo Taibi lepas gol celah kangkang Matt Le Tissier rembat dari jarak 35 ela. so, dari masa waktu tue gua dah sokong MU. team yang bapak gua sokong pun boleh kalah. mesti hebat menatang MU ni kan. budak-budak, mana nak fikir sangat kan. 

satu lagi, dulu masa kecik-kecik gua agak rebel dengan bapak gua. ye la,h bapak gua garang. pernah sekali dia bagi sidekick kat gua sebab gua lambat solat maghrib. nak tengok Doraemon punya pasal. zaman kanak-kanak derr. Doraemon, Ultraman Taro pun lu orang layan jugak kan. jadi sokong MU ni sebab gua nak menunjukkan kekerasan kepala gua pada dia.kira macam anti-thesis la in term of literature. dia sokong Liverpool. gua sokong MU. dia sokong McClaren,gua sokong Ferrari. dia sokong Real Madrid, gua sokong Barca. kalau dia sokong Nadal masa 2, gua akan sokong Federer. keh3. ada la satu yang kitorang ngam, kitorang sokong England. yeah, Three Lions! meow..meow..eh tue bunyi kucing da..

dan lebih menguatkan lagi sokongan gua pada MU ni masa diorang kalahkan Bayern 2-1 masa final liga juara-juara season 98/99. Scholes dengan Roy Keane tak main masa final. suspension. Nicky Butt main tengah dengan Beckham. Blomqvist ganti tempat Beckham. striker Andy Cole dengan Dwight Yorke. permata hitam MU yang score banyak gila babi dalam liga. Giggs yang score gol solo menarik masa semi final piala FA dengan Arsenal pun main. masa final 2, Bayern score dulu. cilakak. Mario Basler score free-kick. gua dah tak tentu hala. gundah gulana. sampai half time kedudukan masih 1-0. Bayern leading.  menurut sumber,masa half time 2, Ferguson (time ni belum dapat title Sir lagi) cakap "hari ni, jarak piala tue hanya 6 kaki je dari kita. kalau kamu semua kalah, saya pun tak dapat nak sentuh". lebih kurang. dan difahamkan semangat Teddy Sheringham makin tinggi bila beliau nampak Mario Basler, player Bayern amik corner sambil melambaikan tangan pada fans diorang. pui! wisel penamat belum bunyi lagi la der. Ferguson masukkkan Teddy Sheringham dengan super sub kitorang. "Baby-Faced Assasin" Ole Gunnar Solksjaer. Peter Schmeichel pun siap naik atas lagi bila corner sebab nak tolong dapatkan gol. memang Legend la game 2. sampai extra time MU dapat corner. Beckham amik. pakcik Teddy score dulu. 1-1. gua dah seronok sambil guling-guling kat ruang tamu. pastu dapat lagi satu corner. Beckham gak amik. Teddy Sheringham tanduk ke tanah dan bola melantun pada Ole Gunnar Solksjaer.  "Who Put the Ball in the German's Net?". and the rest is history.

gua tak kisah kalau member2 gua sokong MU sejak bila. kenapa. dan bagaimana. gua lagi suka kalau boleh layan game MU ramai-ramai. meriah sikit. cuma gua tak berapa suka dengan poseur2 yang sokong MU. gua nak cakap lebih-lebih pun bukannya Glazer tue pakcik gua. atau sememangnya gua lahir kat Carrington yang menyebabkan gua fanatik dengan MU. gua tengok bapak gua rileks je layan game Liverpool even diorang tak pernah menang liga sejak 1992 (sejak EPL ditubuhkan). Syed rileks je support Arsenal walaupun ni mungkin season ke-7 berturut-turut Arsenal akan tamatkan musim tanpa trofi. yang anti-MU pun satu. siap buat GEMUK lagi (Gagasan Excited MU kalah). rileks la. kita punya ic, ic Malaysia. kaler biru.bukannya ic Great Britain pun. ada yang cakap fans MU kerek,action. bukan semua ok tak. jangan la generalize sangat. paling tak tahan bila Arsenal kene tibai 8-2. Chelsea leading 3-0 tapi Man Utd kejar balik jadi 3-3. latest, Liverpool kalah 2-1 gua tak sibuk-sibuk nak bahan member gua pun. tapi bila City tibai United 6-1, berpuluh-puluh mesej masuk henpon gua.cilanat!

# stand up for the champions

..Mimpi 2012..

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera. ini entry pertama bagi 2012. lama tak update. busy (ok, ini alasan biasa orang lelaki). banyak perancangan dan harapan untuk tahun ini sebenarnya. antaranya, gua mahukan perjalanan kerjaya yang berkilauan, kewangan yang stabil dan kisah cinta romantik yang mengasyikkan (gua dah masuk 26 tahun ni derr). yang minor-minor seperti percutian ke Sydney, beli laptop baru ke, beli kamera ke. gua malas nak mention. jangan gelakkan harapan 2012 gua ni, sebulan gua pikir setelah mengambil kira segala bucu pandangan dan buah fikiran individu-individu berkenaan. untuk perjalanan kerjaya yang sekejap bersinar, sekejap kelam tetapi lebih banyak kepada muram pada 2011, gua berdoa supaya perjalanan karier tahun ni bakal menjelmakan barisan bintang-bintang wahima membentuk buruj indah di kaki langit. ok, jangan gelak lagi. gua tau gua ada bakat jadi sasterawan negara. isu kewangan kita skip ye. biasa, bab duit memang sensitif sikit. tapi gua harap tahun ni xde la kais pagi makan pagi seperti tahun-tahun sudah. kisah cinta romantik yang mengasyikkan. gua sendiri taip pun macam nak termuntah. Sara Tancredi pernah cakap dalam Prison Break Season One episode berapa ntah. "i always had a bad luck in a relationship". (macam takde kene mengena) cuma lepas kakak koko dah takde, gua sekarang bergantung harap pada Angel sahaja. itu pun sekejap  timbul. sekejap tenggelam. tapi lebih kepada nak lemas sekarang ni. cinta pertama zaman pasca kakak koko kot. Gadis Iklan korang tak payah cakap. buku gua pun tak pulang lagi, pecite? nasib baik gua tak hadap muka dia hari-hari. kalau tak ada yang merasa makan Converse saiz 7. ok ok, gua belum terasa nak maki orang lagi. gua tak nak panggil harapan ni sebagai azam 2012 sebab AZAM tue consider exaggerate sangat la. Nami pun cakap macam 2. gua panggil harapan je lah. lagi baik kalau kita namakan ia sebagai impian. ye, Impian 2012 


#make peace with your past before it spoils your present

..ping pong bukan sejenis haiwan...

semalam gua menghabiskan bajet gaji minggu ni dengan membeli bat ping pong..ye lahh..asyik pinjam org punya je..cuba bayangkan, ko pinjam bat ping pong org lain..pastu ko kalahkan dia, bagi dia makan kuah je..tak hangin satu badan?ada potensi nak kene hempuk dengan table ping pong kalau amalkan secara istiqamah..gua membuat rumusan untuk tidak pergi ke pusat membeli belah apatah lagi pergi ke pusat hiburan minggu ni atas alasan seperti yang dinyatakan di atas..setelah diselidik (memang gua study dulu ni), gua dengan seram sejuk mengeluarkan sejumlah wang tunai (takde credit card dan tak terpikir pun nak pakai dalam jangka masa terdekat) untuk membeli bat ping pong keluaran Butterfly..Wakaba Series II..gua memang suka main  spin2 ni..biar patah pinggang org lain nak return smash gua..tak kan ping pong pun nak main rally..penat..smash je sudey..

sebenarnya, 6 bulan lepas gua tak tau sepatah haram pun main ping pong..dengar nama pun dah pening lalat..ping pong?sukan ke?bukan makanan?kalau bukan makanan, gua tak interested..sekarang, gua dah tau spin ada 3 jenis..topspin..backspin/bottom spin..side spin..yang gua boldkan tue favourite move..backhand chop..forehand loop..lagi?backhand push..forehand drive..ahhh sudah2..kejadah apa merepek kat sini..tapi betul gua baru pandai main ni..nak buat cmne..gua tensai (genius dalam bahasa jepun kot..tanya encik Ken la kalau nak confirmation)..ajar sikit dah pandai kot..dan yang paling aneh sekali..gua AJK kelab ping pong masa sekolah menengah dulu (haha..tak caya meh sini tengok sijil berhenti sekolah) sah AJK tak guna..gua turun masa meeting tahunan kelab je..sebab ada makan2..waktu hari ko-ko (bukan kakak koko..dan hari Rabu kalau tak silap), gua lari g main bola..bakat gua ada kat situ je dulu..walaupun gua tahu sekarang agak terlambat untuk pandai main ping pong..sekurang-kurangnya gua tau..ping pong adalah sejenis sukan..manakala king kong merupakan seorang seekor haiwan..takde kaitan langsung..bingai!